i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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