i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
