id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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