So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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