Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
