Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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