The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
