I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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