It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
