My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My pussy is not your playground.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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