i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize