Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
