So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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