Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
