Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
