If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
