She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
