I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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