We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
