I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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