i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
