Little spoons don't ask big questions
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
