I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
