successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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