I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
