i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
