my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
