I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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