You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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