I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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