It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
