I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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