I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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