Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
