dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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