The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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