Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize