i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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