everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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