He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
