I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
