Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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