I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
