hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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