Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
