We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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