Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
