He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize