I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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