You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Success! We fucked roommates!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
