If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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