her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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