How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
