Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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