my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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