i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize