On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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