people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
