i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize