So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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