you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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