I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
