I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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