Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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