so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
