i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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