yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Enjoy the penises
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
